I always believed life was all about doing what makes you truly happy. It was about having a dream. But the problem was that I could never figure out what my dream was.
And when I saw all the young people around me who were so sure of what they wanted to do with their life, I felt that something was wrong with me. Why could I not point out one single career? I beat myself up and told myself that I had to figure it out. And because we live in the age of the internet, I thought taking a dozen career quizzes would magically provide me with an answer. Did it work? I think you know the answer.
Before I could delve further into what I wanted to do, I was already in high school under a tremendous amount of pressure to excel in my exams which were the gateway to my college education. And let me tell you the pressure was something I put on myself. And the final two years of high school was like a living nightmare. As someone who was always branded to be good at studying, high school took every ounce of confidence I had on my learning capabilities.
But somehow I managed to get through the nightmare. And before I knew it, I was already in my freshman year of college. I had to move away from my home into the college dorms and that was the beginning of the challenges I had to face at college. After a miserable two weeks, I decided to go with the flow and experience whatever life had in store for me. By the end of first year I admitted to myself that I liked what I was going through.
My undergraduate course is not something that’s related to writing. The one reason I decided not to pursue a course based on writing was that I was afraid it would ruin my love for it.
But during the course of my time at the college, I decided to pursue my education and also write whenever I had free time. Second-year gave me more time to word more of my thoughts and that’s when I decided to revive my old blog of four years.
And that led me to the journey I am on.
I don’t know what’s my true calling yet, but I know I will figure it out on the way.
I came across a conversation in a webtoon I was reading, in which a school student was so confused about what he wanted to do with his life, and his tutor told him to pursue an education and a job at the moment and when you figure out what you really want to do, use the money you earned and do what you want. I won’t tell you that this is the life advice you need. What I would tell you is that it is okay not to have a concrete dream yet. But that should not stop you from trying out new things and experience whatever life has to offer.
Life will unfold on it’s own. People have different paces. Trust the process and at the end of the day what matters is that you are happy and you keep the people you care about happy.
So even among the chaotic mess of figuring out my too many dreams, I choose to be happy and hope you make the same decision too.
Author Notes:
Hey, to people who are like me and like doing too many things, you are not alone. Let’s have hope that we will figure out stuff.
Lots of love,
The butterfly girl.